Mom (watching Cast Away): He's gonna die over a fuckin' coconut?
Me: It's a volley ball!
Nanny (solemn): There's more to the story, Therese, than just a head.

Mom: Your father might give you papers to sign so he doesn't get deported. DON'T.

Dad (phone message): Hi baby, it's Daddy. I'm at Taco Bell buying some tacos. Love you, bye.